If I had Time

When I started this blog in the spring, I set a goal to myself that once a week I would post..Post one blog entry a week…that doesn’t seem so hard. Only it has been approx 8 or so months and I have posted..hmmm about 4 times. Wohoo…oh wait, no that is terrible.

I see all these cool and hilarious blogs done by other, people, mothers are the ones especially that I follow, http://www.scarymommy.com,  www.chicagonow.com/baby-sideburns,  www.chicagonow.com/moms-who-drink-and-swear. To be perfectly honest..I only get a chance to read those one in a blue moon as well.

3 kids, 2 of which are toddlers who are almost 2. Work, school, activities…trying to keep these little hellions from eating us out of house and home and stopping them on their paths that always seem to be set on destruction. Sometimes I fantasize about all the things I would do if I just had TIME. I would have a clean and organized house, the laundry would be done, I would bake and eat every serving of fruit and vegetables I am supposed to, instead of sneaking tidbits off of the kids plates as I run around getting more milk, wiping up said milk because there is never a single chance that it is going to stay in their cups, putting kids back in their chairs (because sitting in their boosters is DEFINITELY the end of the world).

I would sit and read, read all the books I haven’t had a chance to read! I LOVE to read, before children I could easily spend a whole day reading, becoming lost in the world someone else has created. I also love to write, I have secretly (not so secretly now I suppose) always dreamed of being a writer. Putting down words on a page and molding them into a story, a story that would do what books do for me and transport others to a life away from their own. A world that they could get lost in for a time.

I would like to spend time with my fiancee, not arguing about money, or talking about the kids, but just being us and remembering that before twins, there was us and the reasons we are us. I would like to think about and organize things for our wedding, and not worry about how we are going to pay for it, not think about the fact that time is ticking by and sooner then we know it, it will be time and all we can do is hope that we will find the time to finish the planning.

However, before I sound resentful of the life I have, I must say. I love it. Sure I don’t love never sleeping, listening to whining and fighting 40% of everyday and all the other numerous, not so glorious sides of motherhood, but still, I wouldn’t change it. I love seeing their happy little faces when I get them out of bed, maybe I don’t love having to have the “you have to get ready for school” fight with the daughter every morning, but I love seeing her face as she tells me about her day, and seeing her excelling in school. I know in a blink of an eye I will be having that fight with the twins, 3 years and my babies will be in school. Time flies so fast when you have children, so I have sworn to try, just try, to not think to often what IF I had time. Because one day I will, one day in the not to distant future, they will be off, doing their own things. Jobs and lives outside their mother and father, and we will have time again. So for now I have to live in every moment, stress filled, tear stained, giggles ringing in my ears, little arms around my neck moment before they pass me by. I may not always have time, but I will always be a mother, and that is more important then anything else.

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